(Photo: breechbirthininmamasource)

More things have recently happened with my own boys aged 20 and 21 (which I will expound on in a later post and sorry this is not a picture of us) that have made me realize that our job as a parent never ends. Even though my children are in college, things still happen in their lives that require me to parent. I thought I was  done!! (OK, mostly done.)

I’ve been analyzing how I’ve been dealing with the issues. I realized I was angry that ”their” issues were pulling me away from the projects and time I had set aside for ”me”. They’re out of the house and away at college, so isn’t it “my” time now? I had to remind myself that I willingly and excitedly signed up for this job as a parent. And, my deepest desire is to do the best job I possibly can to raise them. My “job” isn’t done and I needed to deal with my own stuff or I would drive myself crazy. (Plus, when I asked my Mom about it, she just laughed. Yes, she had to be there for me when I was their same age. Not necessarily as much, but she is still parenting today when I am in my late 40’s!)

Running a business is easier for me than parenting. So I thought, “How could I apply business principles to shift the situation?”  Just like at work, being a parent is a managerial role. My desire as a “manager” is to have a healthy and functional department, meanwhile enjoying the job I do.

So…here are three things I’ve decided to do:

1. Change my own attitude. I love my kids and they are still in a “growing up” season of life. They still need me and my influence.  Who didn’t learn huge life lessons at age 20? At work we mentor our team, seeing myself as a mentor I think will be helpful.
2. Make time on my calendar. Even though they don’t physically live at home anymore while they are in school, I need to make time for them so I don’t resent the interruption. If I decide to give the time to them, I’ll be less frustrated overall. I plan to test a few scenarios.
3. Have an appropriate plan. Since my job isn’t over, I need to strategically decide the best way to influence and guide them proactively. I shouldn’t be waiting for an issue to arise and then handle it.

This quote from an unknown source is helpful. Concentrate on: What you can do, not what you can’t do. 

I’ll keep you posted on our progress and the details for how I make my plan work. Until then, my acceptance that parenting never ends and that I still have a valuable job to do, has relieved some internal stress. I have a job to do. That I can do.

Have an effective day!

Debbie

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